The Mathematics of Life, You Can’t Have it All
Right from the inception of the world, the default design of this world has been failure, stress and sorrow. Man came to this world in blood and he came crying vehemently, nobody leads a straight life without some ups and downs, even the so called ‘the rich’. It is a general knowledge that the rich also cry.
You can’t have it all, you have to lack one thing or the other, and nobody is satisfied with whatever he/she has, the likes of Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, Larry Page, Paul Allen, Carlos Slim, who are in the frontline of the world richest people are not satisfied with their wealth, only death satisfies human beings.
While some people eat each day and throw the remaining in their waste bin, some find it very hard to eat one-square meal each day. While some spend thousands of dollars on foods for their dogs yearly, some are praying to eat the remnants of what the dogs have eaten. While some have foods, but have problem eating the foods, some can eat, but there is no food to eat. While some people abort their pregnancies because they are not ready for motherhood, some cry each day to at least be pregnant and have a still-birth. While some get drivers to drive their dogs to a veterinary doctor, some are desperate to get a motor-cycle, at least to ease their movement from one place to another.
For the fact that someone is in penury now does not mean that he/she is going to be rich tomorrow, there are some people that would be poor till death, life is unpredictable, being in affluence today does not mean you will live in opulence till death, and I have seen someone who was born by nobody and became somebody, you could be a son or a daughter of a very wealthy man and be wealthier and be more popular than your father.
Again, the amount of work you do is not proportional to how wealthy you are going to be. Your road to wealthy life depends on how smart you work and with little bit of luck and favour.
Life is not mathematics, where someone would believe he/she would be wealthy or be poor because of his/her background. You just have to be careful with what you think, because what you think would determine what you would say, what you say determines your actions, your actions become your habits and your habits in the end form your destiny.
Ademola Kazeem was News Editor II at ZikPress Organisation in University of Ibadan, Ibadan, Nigeria, he owns http://nigeriandreamjobs.com, http://nigeriandreamproperties.com and the CEO, Verde Information Technologies- An Information Technology company that specialised in ICT Training and Capacity Building, Software Development and Network Design and Implementation, Abuja, Nigeria.
DR TOLULOLA OLAJIBIKE BAYODE OPENS THE BIGGEST HOME FOR THE LESS PRIVILEGED IN AFRICA
Iyalaje Tolulola Olajibike Bayode was born in Akure and hails from Oba-Ile. She’s the daughter of Chief Joseph Bayode and Pastor Mrs Bayode.
Tolulola Olajibike Bayode, RN, BSN, MD, is a trained medical professional but with an unusual passion for the well-being of the less privileged. Having travelled far and wide,Tolulola share an uncanny obsession of giving abandoned children and widows another shot at life,employing both her professional training and God given resources in assisting the less privileged at will leading her to initiating Dorian Home for Displaced Children & Mothers Initiative.
The African Union Economic, Social and Cultural Council appointed this Akure born philanthropist Dr. Tolulola Bayode as Head, Social Affairs and Health Cluster Committee. The job description entails implementing the overall goals of the Health, Humanitarian Affairs and Social Development portfolio in line with the AU Agenda 2063, Sets annual performance targets for the Health, Humanitarian Affairs and Social Development portfolio and report on annual progress to Specialized Technical Committees and AU Policy Organs.
In 2009, Dr.Bayode established Dorian Home for Charity and Social Development as a Non-governmental Organization (NGO). She’s the CEO/ President. Her personal encounter and experience in the course of discharging her professional duties, most especially in the Internally Displaced People’s (IDP) Camps, Community/Rural Medical Outreach programs, just to mention a few, afforded her a first-hand and comprehensive understanding of the plethora of unsavoury plights of women and children in our society.
Dorian Home is the biggest orphanage home in Africa, consisting of 700 homes for children,500-capacity skill acquisition centre for women, large hall for events, modern clinic and a worship centre. Dorian Home for Charity and Social Development is situated at Akure, the Ondo State capital.
Described as the biggest orphanage home in Africa, the ultramodern facility worth $5million and was finally commissioned on the 14th of October 2021.
Dorian Home is not limited to taking care of just abandoned babies and widows but also focused on research, training, empowerment and mobilize women towards self-emancipation. A glamorous persona imbued with the philosophy of giving hope to the hopeless, creating a better living condition for the abandoned, Tolulola is in the forefront of Safe Haven Law in Nigeria – the leaving of unharmed infants with statutorily designated private persons so that the child becomes a ward of the state with proper upbringing.
At the commissioning of the home, Professor Yemi Osinbajo, the Vice-President of Nigeria, called for the provision of adequate welfare for vulnerable children and women in the society. The vice president commended Bayode for making provision of the basic needs of homeless children and women her passion. He said that about nine per cent of Nigerian children were homeless; a figure Osinbajo said seems to be growing rapidly. The vice president, however, called on well meaning Nigerians to join hands with the government to provide adequate care for the homeless children, saying that government alone could not do it. Osinbajo described the laudable project as one that would stand the test of time for the less privileged and empowerment for women in society.
During her speech, the Founder and President of Dorian Home, Dr Tolulola Bayode, said that vision of the project was about leaving a legacy of hope for the orphaned children, widows and less privileged women in the society. According to Bayode, reality dawned on her after the shocking demise of her elder brother, the purpose of man on earth is to touch life and uplift humanity. Bayode said the covenant she had with God to have the home was based on her love for humanity, widow, indigent and displaced children to live a better life. She also appealed to the government to provide adequate security checkpoints along Akure/Idanre Road, adding that the future of any child should not be toiled with. She emphasised that not that she has the resources but has a heart of giving.
Represented at the ocassion, was the governor of Ondo State represented by his Deputy, Mr Lucky Ayadatiwa, who said that the project compliment the administration’s REDEEM agenda of Arakunrin Oluwarotimi Akeredolu. He commended the Founder of the home for her initiative. Akeredolu described the project as unique because it focus on the neglected section of the society. Akeredolu said the project would receive the support and patronage of the state government. He said the state government would continue to support the social initiative programmes of the Dorian Home.
Also, speaking at the ocassion, Senator Tayo Alasoadura, the Minister of State for Niger Delta Affairs, urged people to emulate the kind gesture that counts for the good of humanity by trying to make the society a better place for humanity. Alasoadura said that Nigeria would be a better place, if everyone tried to provide a home like heaven on Earth, especially for the displaced and indigent children, just as the orphanage.
Tolulola Olajibike Bayode, as a natural social and talented care giver has continually provided training, education and health consultations in the non-profit entrepreneurial sector to youths in different parts of the world and has successfully maneuvered the delicate balance between dedication to mission in a wide range of settings. Aside her passion for the creating a better living for commoners, she has years of extensive managerial experience in the non-profit sector, with outstanding records in getting initiatives off the ground and flourishing.
How Do I Handle a Difficult Wife?
““Let me confess that I don’t have any concubine and she has never caught me with any woman. As a matter of fact, neither my mother nor any of my sisters ever talked to me about my daughters, who they adore”
What else does a woman want? “I just bought her a car, did the registration in her name and paid six-month salary to a driver who takes her everywhere. Before this, she gets a monthly allowance of N10,000 (that’s not the housekeeping allowance, which is N40,000 per month). I get her clothes and jewellery anytime I travel or from mobile merchants in my office. But, kike is never pleased,” stated Jude, 38 and father of three.
“She is one of the nastiest women on earth. She is so ungrateful and never sees any good in whatever I do. The only moment she is nice is when I give her money or a gift. She would nag about imaginary women I date, coupled with her hostility to my family members. Meanwhile, her family enjoys much largesse from me, especially her ailing mother, who lives with us. To Kike, I have strings ladies, who I spend so much on. She even believes my mother and sisters are planning to make me marry another woman just because all her four children are girls.
“Let me confess that I don’t have any concubine and she has never caught me with any woman. As a matter of fact, neither my mother nor any of my sisters ever talked to me about my daughters, who they adore. She is never satisfied and I come home daily to face her caustic tongue. Lately, my friends have started introducing some nice ladies to me and I am considering one of them for an affair. I know I would get the happiness I am looking for in her.”
Greg is under fire at home. “I am always scared to go home after work,” he confessed. He said that his 11-year-old marriage is equal to living in hell. “My wife exhibits some traits that I don’t know how to describe. She could be happy this moment and be nice to everyone around her. The next moment, she would be fuming and ready to break anybody’s head, including mine. Her children are so scared of her and prefer playing with me to her. Last week, she took me up on a telephone call I received from a friend in Lagos. We live in Imo State and I travel to Lagos to buy my goods. My wife believes my friend is a womanizer and exposes me to concubines whenever I am in Lagos. While throwing banters on the phone with my friend, she kept hissing and cursing, but I ignored her. By the time I was through with the call, her voice was louder; she fumed and called him on the phone to steer clear of me! The situation is so terrible that I don’t have who to report her to, as her mother is worse and has transverse five marriages. ‘My daughter is no trouble-maker; go and change your ways,’ she always tells me anytime I talk to her about my wife. There are no uncles to go to because they are all afraid of my mother-in-law. So, I am stuck with a monster at home. The only nice moment together we are in bed and that is within 30minutes!”
“My wife is so troublesome that I am ashamed to go out with her,” said Levi, 39, a businessman and a part-time pastor. Not a member of his church visits him at home. “She would always send them away with her bad behavior and there are some women she had beaten up just because she thought I was sleeping with them. She is so unfriendly and nasty for a pastor’s wife that I have stopped introducing myself as a pastor. Last year, during my ordination, I had to beg her parents to help convince her to attend. Her reason? She married a businessman and not a pastor! She knew her non attendance would be a stain on my ministry and I had to beg her (even my friends and relatives) for many weeks before she agreed. Now, I can’t divorce her because I am a pastor but I am tired of her ways, what do I do?”
Rubbing minds: Living with a troublesome woman could be likened to living in hell – there is no peace. As a result of this, some marriages have crashed, some shaky and many trying to tolerate one another. Not a few researchers wonder why some good men get bad wives, but the fact is someone somewhere is married to a bad woman and is searching for a way out. What to do? Be patient and tolerant, especially when she is in her mood. Carefully study her mood and talk to her at her ‘best moments.’ Though some men have sought divorce and opted out of the marriage, or are separated from their spouses, there is need to consider the children before taking such decisions.
This piece is culled from the Punch and written by Kemi Ashefon
MAMA OSARO GOES KINKY ….to save her marriage
BY ENA OFUGARA
Mama Osaro goes to meet the DHL delivery man as he delivers the box. She had prayed for her husband not to be around when the box was delivered. How could she explain to him what was inside? So with her heart racing, she grabs the box and shuts the door and locks it securely even though it is mid afternoon.
She looks at the content of the box as she opens it. She wondered if she could go ahead with her plan. It had taken all of her will to even have thought about it how much more agree for her friend to send it to her.
The conversation with her long-time friend had been heart to heart. Ifueko lived in Holland, the land of “anything goes” and has always been a free adventurous spirit from childhood. She was yet unmarried at 39. The conversation that day was so heart to heart Ifueko opened up to her
Ifueko: Oghogho, hmmm, you do not know the half of it. Men nowadays are just after one thing….two actually. They want to chop your body and then your money.
Mama Osaro: (Oghogho. Once a woman gives birth in Africa, she loses her nam an is named by her child. So she is now more Mama Osaro than Oghogho) Ifueko!!! You cannot keep thinking like that. There must be one among them that is yours.
Ifueko: Even if they carry an ID from God that says “Ifueko’s husband”, I will not believe anymore. I have seen pepper in this my life.
Ifueko: Enjoy? hahahahaha. I will trade it all for one man who will truly love me.
Mama Osaro: Then get one
Ifueko: Easier said than done. Is it that easy? Me you are seeing here, I have cooked, cleaned and given a man my bank card. hmmm. I have even polished his shoe. Me Ifueko, finest girl in pharmacy, head pharmacist St. Antonius Ziekenhuis Nieuwegein, I have bent down and polished a man’s shoes just because he promised to marry me.
Mama Osaro: I see your pictures on facebook and you have no idea how envious I am of you. Me, since I got married, it is like I immediately became ugly. Do you know even my wedding night my husband slept off and left me in my white gown? I pulled it off myself. All my fantasies of how romantic that night will be dashed.
Ifueko: Agbons must have been tired.
Mama Osaro: Tired? Did he go and play football or run a marathon? Did I not dance more than him on the wedding day? You have no idea how annoying to hear a man snore near you when you want him to touch you
Ifueko: If he does not touch you, where did Osaro come from? He must have been “doing” you every night because you had Osaro same year you married. You married in January, had him by November
Mama Osaro: Is it by many times? hmmmmmm. Before we got married, he used to fight me to sleep with him. It was you that encouraged me to even allow him sleep with me else i would have been a virgin on my wedding night.
Ifueko: Oghogho or is it Mama Osaro, so you really were a virgin? I thought you were lying oh. It was when Agbons confirmed it to me that he deflowered you that I finally believed. I thought maybe on one very good day you had given it out to one guy back in secondary school or something.
Mama Osaro: God forbid.
Ifueko: So no “bros” deceived you into his room and told you to “act matured act matured” and put his….
Mama Osaro: Pls it is enough. Do not spoil me
Ifueko: Holy virgin mother of Osaro. In fact, I am sure you do holyholy in bed when you should be giving him strong….
Mama Osaro: stop stop stop.
Ifueko: Stop what?
Mama Osaro: You know I am born again so I cannot be….
Ifueko: Okay you are born again, why are you telling me how your husband snores?
Mama Osaro: em… I don’t even know why I said it
Ifueko: How long have we known each other?
Mama Osaro: at least twenty five years
Ifueko: So with how long I have known you and how exposed I am, you think I cannot tell when a woman is undersexed and sexually frustrated?
Mama Osaro: em…well…. (sighs)
Ifueko: Do you touch yourself?
Mama Osaro: God forbid. It is a sin
Ifueko: Hmmm ok. I will not argue with you. But for me, it has reached a stage where if I see my own fingers or small batteries, I get turned on
Mama Osaro: Jesus!!!
Ifueko: Even the fat candles of the priest in church makes my mind wonder…
Mama Osaro: May God forgive you
Ifueko: Amen. Is it every time you will call Jesus name even? I use cloth to cover my bible and rosary when I want to “love myself like my neighbour”
Mama Osaro: You mean “love your neighbour as yourself? This Ifueko! You will turn the Bible upside down. Moreover whether you hide the Bible inside wardrobe, God can still see you.
Ifueko: So what will not be a sin to you?
Mama Osaro: See, you know I am very shy. Do you know I have never once asked my husband for …you know…
Mama Osaro: How will I tell him? Papa Osaro or Agbons or honey I am …. I cannot.
Ifueko: So what do you do?
Mama Osaro: Nothing. I wait for him to want me
Ifueko: And how often does he want you?
Mama Osaro: Well, between drinking with friends and staying too long in the office and watching Arsenal, hmmm…then being tired and having head ache or stomach pain….or being too drunk or even having malaria that goes away once it is morning….I would say……
Mama Osaro: what?
Ifueko: You want make the thing rust abi?
Mama Osaro: Ifuekoooooo!!!
Ifueko: And here I was thinking married women have all the sex in the world with a man that comes home each night
Mama Osaro: You have no idea. Boyfriends aim to please but once they are promoted to husband, in fact it is almost early retirement especially after giving birth. But Ifueko, I am still fine am I not? (her voice breaks leaden with tears)
Ifueko: Do you want my honest advice? You should……………………………………
Mama Osaro looks in the box and begins to check its content. Yes she was going to do it just like Ifueko advised. She had “researched” a few “new media coital lectures” which in truth was some porn sites Ifueko had given her links to. She was ready and resolved… or was she?
Papa Osaro comes home ready for it to be the usual evening then night. His every waking thought was with Arsenal Football club and he knew his whole happiness was based on how well they did.
He parked his car in the garage and as he came down he wondered the food Mama Osaro cooked. Mama Osaro,….hmmm she was aptly named Oghogho at birth meaning Joy and indeed she was a joy…. that was one of the things that he was thankful for…mama Osaro. She was his spine. She was so pliable…so calm….so uncomplaining. He always laughed when his friends tell him of how troublesome and disobedient their wives are.
Well, his classmate much younger sister Ifueko introduced him to her friend Oghogho and that has been the best thing anybody has ever done for him. He was ten years older and at 46 he felt on top of the world….good job, happy home, cold beers and then Arsenal. Life is good.
He sits down to eat a sumptuous plate of pounded yam and egusi soup. He notices that the mounds are a little more than usual and also how much more delicious it was than the ones prepared with powder. This was an Edo woman hand-pounded yam…pestle, mortar and all. He had learnt from his father that no matter what he did outside, he must come home to eat. He knew it was the height of disrespect to come home bellyful with food from another woman.
So with his tummy loaded he went to bed knowing it was straight to dreamland. He notices his wife’s eyes following him watchfully and wonders what is on her mind. It has been a while he made love to her but frankly he was not minded to. He has an early morning meeting or should he blame it on a headache or tiredness or simply a lack of zeal to do the very monotonous lovemaking that marital sex had become for him.
As his wife enters the bed beside him, he feigns sleep and turns his back to her as usual and his mind wanders again to Arsenal his football club. Wenger is now signing quality players. wonderfullllll
He awakens to a not so gentle slap on his cheek. He tries to touch it and finds he is handcuffed to the bedpost with a policeman standing over him. He panics and looks again and sees it is his wife standing over him in police gear. He must be dreaming he thinks and tries to wriggle his hands free to no avail. Both his legs and hands are secured by the handcuff.
“Osanobua! What is this? Oghogho. Mama Osaro. What is this?”He tries to say but finds he is gagged as well. He is at her mercy. “Iyevwe is this how I am going to die?”
Mama Osaro goes to him and slaps him again and pinches his breast. He feels a sharp pain. What has he done to her to deserve this? Does she want to inherit his house? But… oh… she sits astride him and puts her tongue on his nipples and nibbles and licks and bites. He tries to wriggle all to no avail. She is scratching and biting all of his neck and sides of his belly. It is pleasure and pain mixed and then what she has never done before….she is going down and down and he could feel how turgid he had become as she holds his… and puts it in her…what is this? Is she trying to talk to it? It is not a microphone…and she moves up to his face and orders him to…to…to to “Osanobua……Oba Atokpeye…….”
The next morning, he is at the table. Not a word is exchanged between he and his wife. The events of last night has left him tired and yet befuddled. He still could not make sense of it.
Oghogho: Papa Osaro, I need the money for Osaro’s school fees and uniform. You know he is starting a new class today. You said you’d give me this week
He gets up, gets his chequebook and issues a cheque of the amount, still saying nothing. He grabs his laptop bag and dashes off.
Later that day, Mama Osaro is watching a Nigerian movie starring Tonto Dike when the door opens and she sees her husband come in with her father and mother. Right behind them is his own father and mother.
Also entering was their pastor and a host of uncles and aunts including Doctor Nosakhare. Also with them was the village herbalist.
They all take their seats…all avoiding her eyes. Even “Odiokpa” the oldest man of her husband’s family and his wife come in. He is the okaegbe head of family.
Mama Osaro: Epa, domo, koyo …what brings you all? What do I offer you
Eghosa: (he was the spokesman at their marriage ceremony and a senior cousin to her husband Agbontaen.) Mama Osaro, sit down, sit down. Do not worry. We have eaten. How is Osaro?
Mama Osaro: He is fine. I just put him to bed.
Eghosa: Good. We will try and not wake him up. How are you? (there is worry in his eyes as he asks this and now everyone looks at her keenly)
Mama Osaro: oruan mwen my in-laws I am fine. Why, what happened? Is everything okay
Eghosa: That is what we came to find out. Your husband told us all is not right with you so we have gotten the doctor to look at you and make sure that all is alright. You see, this heat in Nigeria is enough to make people go crazy so we said it may not be your fault. It is while someone is still at home that it is best to treat her and not when she has run into the market. Once you enter the market, there is no cure anymore
Mama Osaro: God forbid. Tufia. Osanobua de ba men. I cannot be mad
Eghosa: Ise. That is why we are here. To make sure….
Mama Osaro (To Papa Osaro) Agbons, what did you go and tell them?
Papa Osaro: What did I go and tell them? My wife handcuffs me like I was Lawrence Anini and Monday Osunbor, wears police uniform like she was Iyanmu and you are asking me?
Mama Oghogho: Iyevwe!!! Handcuff? Oghogho, you na policewoman? Wetin you say you want join wey you small, wey we no gree wey make you go read accounting, na your husband body you for come dey do olokpa?
Papa Osaro: Oghogho tell them everything you did. Tell them
Eghosa: Mama Osaro tell us what happened
Mama Osaro: Agbons, finish the story. You have started it, finish it
Papa Osaro: Mama Osaro. They are talking to you. Tell them.
Mama Osaro: Agbons…..Agbons
Papa Oghogho: My daughter, did you handcuff your husband
Mama Osaro: (unabashedly) YES!!!
(Iyevwe… Oviedo!! Walare. And other exclamations rent the air. Everyone is taken aback)
Papa Osaro: You see! I told you all she has run mad. Quick let us take her to the hospital
Papa Oghogho: Oghogho, my daughter, why did you handcuff your husband. What happened
Papa Osaro: let her tell you everything. If I pull my shirt, you will see all where she pinched and bit me. This woman you are seeing here changed into a tiger. I saw her tail. It is by God’s grace I am alive.
Papa Oghogho: My daughter, tell me what happened
(Mama Osaro stays silent. Hand crossed across her chest in defiance.)
Papa Osaro : Goes into the room and brings the handcuff and police uniform and puts it on the table) That is it. That is what she handcuffed me with and then she….she …she…
Mama Agbontaen: The Oba must hear this. Tell us what she did next. No wonder they said we should fear quiet people. To think she was my choice for you….
Mama Osaro: Ask your son if he enjoyed what I did to him
Eghosa: Iye!!! Enjoy what? You handcuffed him and and..pinched him and almost bit his breast away from his chest and you are saying we should ask him if he enjoyed it? Thank God Uselu Mental home is not far from here. Oya ……. Lets go.
Mama Osaro: (To papa Osaro) Agbons, if you lie, uwa zagha (you will explode and scatter to pieces) Did you enjoy it or not???
Papa Osaro:….(stays silent) em….
Mama Osaro: (reaches for her phone.) I video-taped it with my phone. Here, you all can watch it.
Papa Osaro: (he dives at the phone, Mama Osaro refuses to hand it over and a scuffle ensues. Everyone joins the melee as they pull them apart)
Eghosa: Agbontaen. Will you behave yourself? This woman recorded it all. Are you trying to destroy the evidence and exhibit?
Papa Osaro: If you want to watch blue film or porno, go and buy. It is not me and my wife that you will watch
Eghosa: It is not that we want to….em…you see… we all need to watch it so that we can come to a good conclusion. You are truncating this case
Papa Agbontaen: My son, let us watch it to fully understand what went on
Papa Osaro: Nooooooooo……
Mama Osaro: No oh Agbons, you must let them see. Now that what happened between us you have gone to call everyone, let it all come outside.
Papa Agbontaen: What is it my daughter…the one in whose house I am always welcome. My favourite daughter in law, please do not be angry. He did not tell “everyone”. We are family. You are my daughter
Mama Osaro: Then let him let me show it to you. Epa, see. Since I have been in this marriage, have I ever complained to anyone? I have done everything expected of me. Mama Agbontaen here jokingly asks me if I will not give birth to a second child and if everything is okay. I smile and say it is God that gives children. Is it God that will sleep with me when I am ovulating? My body will be ready, I will not see my husband to sleep with. He is working late or tired or headache…headache that does not worry him when Arsenal is playing. I have bought Panadol Extra and Alagbim and Phensic all to stop headache…no way.
Okay, I would have said he has a low libido or even low testosterone and then I find he is sleeping with this girl whose mother owns the bar he goes to drink.
Papa Osaro: Iye!
Mama Osaro: Iye what? Am I not the one who washes your pants? Don’t I see sperm stains? Don’t I smell the perfume on your shirts? What do you take me for Agbons? ………. You think I am a fool right (turns to the others) Epa, I have not even brought it up so I do not quarrel in my house. I simply cry to God and put it in prayers. I cry every night as he snores. I have looked at myself in the mirror, has childbirth flattened my breast so much my husband never desires me? When he touches me….1..2…3 he has ejaculated. What is it???…..Am I not a human being?
Now to that girl. The person who told me about her said she is calabar and so “know work” meaning she can please my husband better than I can. Me…a Bini girl… we that men all over the world desire us from Italy to Holland to America, one Calabar local champion says she “knows work” more than me……
So I decided to show him what he has at home that he is not seeing. I let him know if a woman is keeping herself, it is not for a lack of desire. It is blood in my veins not ice water. So I showed agbons pepper. You people should watch the video. You should see how he was shouting and begging. He says he is Roman Catholic but he spoke in tongues when I gyrated my waist on top of him….the sounds he was making….oooooooo ahhhhhhh iyeeeeee
Papa Osaro:…Emmmm Oghogho please it is enough…
Mama Osaro: What is enough? Tell them how you shouted when you were com….
Papa Osaro….Yeh! It is enough!!
Mama Osaro: I will not be hushed anymore. You men do what will make your wives seek pleasure outside. You think because you put a ring on my finger and poured drink on my leg and told me of taboos, that is enough to keep a woman at home and faithful? YOU LIE! Even circumcision is not enough. You like tell a woman “ogun wa gbue” that Ogun will kill her, if she does not find satisfaction at home,IF A HUSBAND IS TAKING HE SPERM MEANT FOR THE FAMILY AND GIVING IT TO OUTSIDERS, HE SHOULD BE READY FOR ANY NEWS HE HEARS, Oh oh oh… you think we are afraid of divorce?
As for me I am a Christian. I will never desecrate my home by giving a body I have given to my husband in front of God to another man. NO. But I must get my own in my house. Except you will lock yourself in another room. If you sleep, like Adam, like Samson, I will do things to you as you sleep. If you even lock yourself iin a room, unless you do not eat my food. I will put sleeping pills and I will chain you and collect my own. This time it will be hot candle and all those crazy things I see in the porno on your laptop…. or you think I do not know you have porn on your laptop?
All those things you see in those movies, I will show you your wife at home can do all of them.”
(Silence….silence….you can hear a pin drop)
Mama Oghogho: Oghogho, child wey dem born with this kind of handcuff style, the pikin no go be armed robber so? The style and time wey man take give woman belle dey matter oh. Your brother wey stuborn for there, na because na hot afternoon your papa rush me that day oh. Naim make him blood dey hot
Doctor Nosakhare: Mama Oghogho. I do not think that is true. Hehehe. The time and type of mating and gymnastics employed has nothing to do with how the child behaves later in life.
Mama Oghogho: Doctor, na you wan tell me wetin I know? You mean say pikin wey papa and mama do small small born and the one wey the papa rough-handle the mama go behave the same???? Na lie. Me, my children, I know how I take conceive each one and how them dey behave and why
Doctor Nosakhare: Em…well,that is worth researching. As to why I was invited, to talk like Obahiagbon, I declare her compos mentis,.She is very sane.
But you see, em…I have to go and see my wife immediately. Emm….if she gets this idea of handcuff, I am afraid she will cuff me and throw away the keys. Please let me go and do my duty. In fact, I think I have some Viagra in my car. (he exits)
Papa Agbontaen: I believe this matter has settled itself. Agbontaen, we have small talk with you privately later
Odiokpa: (Oldest man about 80 years old. Goes to the police uniform and handcuff, looks at it slowly. Looks at his wife Abieyuwa who is 75), Abieyuwa…Abiebie …. will this uniform size you? I want you to try it on later and handcuff me.. I have always wanted to do it with a police woman. It is only nurse we have tried
They all rush to Odiokpa
All: Epa La wowo. Please, we love you. Please we cannot have something go wrong….
Papa Osaro: Epa please. Let us save for good things not burial epa. If I show you the video, you will know it is by God’s grace I am alive. Lawowo. Please. You people are too old to try this at home
Odiokpa: If I die like that, is it not a very good death? I then started my heaven from my bedroom here. Where is the police baton? I want her to have it all
Odiokpa’s wife Abieyuwa: Gimme the uniform and handcuff. Who is too old? You think we have been married for fifty five years and given birth to eleven children by playing Ludo? Don’t worry. We will do it gently gently, small small. Whatever happens will happen to both of us together. Agbontaen, your wife has skills. Don’t let her practice on someone else. Cultivate your farm.
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